Please Hear What I'm Not Saying...


I read this poem when I was in high school and fell in love with it immediately. I am definitely touched by its message. Hope you'll like it too. :)

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

By the way, the author of this poem is Charles C. Finn and you can check on him here. :)

To All The Kids Who Were Born In The 1950's, 60's, 70's and early 80's!


Reposting this cool email I got from my friend Sheila.

I have to say I am so proud and happy to be part of this generation - the early 80's. Actually, late 80's. :P

* * * * *

First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us.


While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong.

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang). And when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula) or cars with no airconditioning and no seat belts. (ngayon lahat may aircon na)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711. ( minsan straight from the faucet or poso)

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.

We ate rice with star margarine, ate raw eggs straight from the shell and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi coke zero), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga...

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap magpatintero, tumbang preso, habulan at taguan.

No one was able to reach us all day. ( di uso ang cellphone at walang beepers ) And yes, we were OK.

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewerage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare and dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, PSP's Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, no Friendster, no YouTube, no Multiply... WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broken bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words... "masakit ba?" pero pag galit yung kalaro mo, ang sasabihin sa iyo... "beh buti nga!"

We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt, washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream and fish balls. We were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband, sumpit, tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. Pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

We made up games with sticks (syatong), and cans (tumbang preso) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay. Paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tignan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way. We were lucky to grow up as real kids. We were very lucky indeed. :)

It kind of makes you wanna go out and climb a tree, doesn't it?!

How To Test A Pen By Debasis Pradhan.


As I was just browsing trying to find something about Software Testing, I found this very interesting blog entry of Debasis Pradhan called "How To Test A Pen?".

Such a simple thing and yet she's got about 25 test ideas for it:

1. See if the different components (the barrel, cap, unscrewable head, refill, spring if any etc) of the pen are fitting perfectly. [Installability Testing!]

2. Test the dimension of the pen. Its shape and size should be ergonomically designed so as to result in a comfortable writing experience.

3. Test by writing on a piece of paper. See if you can write smoothly. It should not be writing and stopping with breaks! [Usability Testing!]

4. Test the width of the line drawn by the pen to test the specified millimeter range [FYI: Ballpoint Pens come with different millimeter specifications like - a "point five millimeter" (0.5 mm) pen has a ball that will produce a line that is 0.5-mm wide, and a "point seven millimeter" pen (0.7 mm) has a ball that will produce a 0.7-mm line. Ballpoints even come as tiny as "point one millimeter" wide ("ultra fine")] [Validation Testing!]

5. Test the writing capacity (the amount of writing that is possible from a single refill) of the pen. [Capability/Reliability Testing!]

6. Test if you can carry the pen in your shirt pocket using its cap. The cap extension should be firm enough to grip your pocket! [Robustness Testing!]

7. Test by writing on different types of surfaces like: coarse paper, hard board wrapper, packaging material, glass, leather, cotton, wood, plastic, metals like aluminium or iron, polythene sheet etc. [Compatibility Testing!]

8. Write something on a paper and keep the paper for a reasonable duration of time. The written letters should not fade away over time. Also test by applying water on the writing/drawing made by the pen. See if the ink is water-proof!

9. Test if the ink leaks from the refill under normal circumstances.

10. Test if the ball of the refill head fits into the socket with just enough space to move freely.

Read the rest here. :)

I can't believe Testing can be so mind-boggling. :D

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word...


A good apology has 3 parts:

1. I'm sorry.
2. It was my fault.
3. How do I make it right?

But a lot of people usually miss the third part.

Shopping Is The Answer!


What's the thing that makes you feel better whenever you're disappointed or depressed?


For me, that would be SHOPPING! :D

Blind by Lifehouse.


Blind by Lifehouse is definitely my all time favorite! This song hits me so hard! :(

It's way too heavy! Jason Wade's vocal is exceptional. And the song's message sends shivers especially the line "
That I loved you more than you'll ever know"! :(

By the way, I believe that this song is actually written by Jason Wade for his father. The music video and his background suggest so. His parents divorced when he was 12. That's why it's so full of emotion. He was experiencing the pain anyone feels when their parents get divorced then. :(

OK, back to what I think about the song. :)

The first time I heard it, I thought that if someone sing it to me as intense as Jason Wade's, I would definitely fall for that someone. Who wouldn't? :)

But of course, he has to mean it! :D

Why am I blogging this all of the sudden? It's so dramatic! :D

I Can See You!


Online? Offline? Or invisible?

Yup! I can see all of you! With the help of :


Invisible-scanner allows you to see who among your friends from your Yahoo Messenger list stay invisible.

Now, I'm not saying you go and spy on your friends. It's not really nice. If they are in invisible mode, they probably have a good reason. I myself have done that whenever I am busy and don't want to talk.

So it's your decision to check on their status. Please don't use this to invade their privacy! Alright? :)

Pitong Katotohanan Sa Mundo!


I'm kinda feeling down today but this message from Steve made me laugh so hard! :D

1. Lahat ng nakikita mo ay hindi iyo.
2. Hindi mo kayang bilangin ang buhok mo.
3. Hindi lahat ng ngipin ay abot ng dila mo.
4. Susubukan ng mga tanga ang pangatlo.
5. Ang pangatlo ay mali.
6. Mapapangiti ka kasi nagmukha kang tanga.
7. Ipapasa mo sa iba para makaganti ka!

Dami palang tanga dito sa office! Gotcha! :P

Just kidding guys! Peace! :D